It's after midnight and I am still awake. I had a long and busy day. For most of the day, I played with my grandson, he is a busy little boy. My house is a maze of toys right now strung throughout the halls.
I drove my kids to Zips today so they could have a milkshake. It's their favorite place to go. I've never had a milkshake at Zips, but they tell me they are good! It was raining outside, and cold. I feel cold in the Spring, and look forward to Summer. Yet, I am thankful for all of the rain because it provides a wealth of green and beauty for the summer.
I thought about the losses I've experienced in my life today, and I know there have been many. I thought about the stillborn babies, the miscarriages, the shattered dreams, and felt so very thankful for what I've been blessed with.
I have lost six babies. And now, when I watch others experience the same pain I feel empathy for them. It is a deep, heart wrenching pain. It is a lonely pain. It feels lonely because there's nothing to do or say to make it go away. It takes time, love, and prayer.
When a child is lost, the entire family suffers. The deepest pain is in the soul of the mother, she has lost a part of herself, and everything about her life, her body, her thoughts, is different in a flash. The father grieves for the pain of his wife and his child. He cannot fix it. He cannot understand it. Grandparents, siblings, and friends grieve for the child they waited for and already loved so deeply.
I do not know why God allows some things to go from our lives, but He does. I am not sure why some go down certain paths. But, I do know, that if I walk that path with Him, He will turn it into beauty. He already has done that for me. I do not feel the severe pain from those losses now; I am able to reach out to others in their pain. In fact, I am able to think about moments of those times, and feel a sweetness. I know God's presence was with me all the way. That is restoration.
I love this verse in Isaiah 61:3
I drove my kids to Zips today so they could have a milkshake. It's their favorite place to go. I've never had a milkshake at Zips, but they tell me they are good! It was raining outside, and cold. I feel cold in the Spring, and look forward to Summer. Yet, I am thankful for all of the rain because it provides a wealth of green and beauty for the summer.
I thought about the losses I've experienced in my life today, and I know there have been many. I thought about the stillborn babies, the miscarriages, the shattered dreams, and felt so very thankful for what I've been blessed with.
I have lost six babies. And now, when I watch others experience the same pain I feel empathy for them. It is a deep, heart wrenching pain. It is a lonely pain. It feels lonely because there's nothing to do or say to make it go away. It takes time, love, and prayer.
When a child is lost, the entire family suffers. The deepest pain is in the soul of the mother, she has lost a part of herself, and everything about her life, her body, her thoughts, is different in a flash. The father grieves for the pain of his wife and his child. He cannot fix it. He cannot understand it. Grandparents, siblings, and friends grieve for the child they waited for and already loved so deeply.
I do not know why God allows some things to go from our lives, but He does. I am not sure why some go down certain paths. But, I do know, that if I walk that path with Him, He will turn it into beauty. He already has done that for me. I do not feel the severe pain from those losses now; I am able to reach out to others in their pain. In fact, I am able to think about moments of those times, and feel a sweetness. I know God's presence was with me all the way. That is restoration.
I love this verse in Isaiah 61:3
To grant those who mourn in Zion,
giving them a garland instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting.
So they will be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.
Jesus, this is Your promise and I believe you. Garlands, gladness, and praise for your glory! Say That Again!
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