The Longing

I visited my old familiar church today, they had a guest speaker there and both my husband and I wanted to hear him speak. We've read his book, my husband has heard him speak before, and so we made the trek back to our familiar home to listen to a word from him. It was good. I haven't been there in awhile without feeling some kind of anxiety, but this time, God spared me of all of that, and it was good. I was at ease with the place and my focus on God was good, and it was nice to see so many old friends and catch up on how everyone was doing.
The speaker talked a lot about how we as a Body need to love. The beauty of love for God and the beauty of love for each other. I think we, and I think I, miss the mark way too often. I do not love as God loves, and sometimes I do not feel loved. There is a longing in me and in each of us as God's children to be loved. There is a longing in me to reach out as He does to others and to know how to be His hands and feet and to know how to love as deeply as He does. There is a longing to be the Acts church.
To be, to give, I must continue to surrender all that I am. I must continue to go back and persevere, even to places that I find difficult and painful. This is what I learned in the foyer this morning, relationships will hurt me and they will trigger me. And, sometimes I will need to take a break from some of them to catch my breath, but God's love will ask me to go back and persevere and rebuild in some way. He will ask me to love and not run.  Even if it means just loving in the foyer for a little while in my old church building.
The longing is from the Spirit and I hope it never leaves, He is deeply rooted and He is speaking to me. He is prompting me to move deeper in relationship and to love even when I don't want to. Even if I feel fear or I am leery of trusting. It is Jesus that I need to trust and focus on, Jesus that I will fear and obey. It is Jesus that will walk beside me and guide me through the course,  and only then will love prevail.
I want to live in a radical way for my Jesus everyday. I want the longing I have in my heart to push me over the edge for Him. I want the longing to push me into relationship and love for others, and away from self. This is my prayer and my stand. Who stands with me?
Jesus, Say That Again! You want me to walk a radical path on earth, You want me to love in an amazing way, and You want a longing in my heart for others that endures forever!