The Ups and Downs

I was out the door early this morning to meet with a friend for breakfast.  We had some catching up to do, and it was nice to see her again. Our conversation gave me the ups and downs, and I left feeling up and down.  It's been a day like that for me, the roller coaster day, up, then down.
In some of our conversation, I noticed that it was good and comfortable and I felt up. Other times, I was feeling uneasy, not understood,  and it was the down time.  It's one of those days, I guess.
After leaving breakfast, I began to think about our time together and pray, giving it over to Jesus and confessing some of the feelings that were popping up for me.  It was time to share with Him the stuff that was resurfacing and time to ask Him to take it quick, I don't need or want it. It was time for me to ask Him to lift me up.
I went to get my daughter so I could take her to her soccer game, and while we were at the game my three adult sons dropped by. Same up and down feelings popped in again. Weird. My adult sons, they are all grown up, men now, so tall, so big, still my children! When I look at them the up feelings soar with pride and love for each one of them, I adore them. I enjoy them. I admire them. The down feelings come from somewhere deep inside my soul, and I can't even reach it. I want to protect them. I want to tell them to be careful, to guard their wives, to watch out! I want to help them in some elusive way that isn't even possible to do, and so I feel this down feeling, because I know I just have to watch them. I must surrender them to God, they are His and His alone, and this is my step of faith.
I came home after the soccer game and spent a little time talking to God about all of this. I tried on my purple blouse and black jacket with the jewelry my friend gave me. I continued to feel up, and then down. My husband came home and I told him everything, more than once.  He didn't comment as much as I thought he should, so I felt down again. Back to God!
This evening, we are meeting our sons, and daughters for dinner. We are celebrating the birthday of our one daughter in law that is not in relationship with us. She is invited to come be with us, and we are hoping she will come. Once again, God is in charge and He knows what is best. My heart is for family.
Jesus, Say That Again, in my ups and my downs, You are here. You see my steps of faith, you see my sons, my friends. my cries for help, and you are reaching down to me and keeping me.  Say That Again, Jesus, I am listening to you today!